wildfly73

hello heroes, an update following my previous post yesterday. I was casually checking the 7 day forcast for the area of bulgaria im staying at from this saturday. I was expecting a warm temprature in the mid 20's but it seems i will be roasting like a pig on a spit as the forcast is a high 36-39oc.
whilst browsing the sofia aiport web site i found out that i will be landing at its new terminal 2(open dec 2006). And both annoyingly and pleasinly stumbled across flybulgaria.bg which advertise return flights for almost half what i payed!:-O
till sometime in the future friends
stay well

Current Location: home
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: rain

Hello heroes, im catching a train to gatwick to sofia (bulgaria)very early this friday (22nd) for a 12 day adventure near the bulkan mountains (central bulgaria)i am wondering if i will survive this trip as my mood has not been stable over the past 3 days. Working hard to shift my mind and emotions into a better state before i set off tho.

Brought bulgarian currency last week 120 pounds gave me 360 lev or there abouts from my friendly local post office. It should be enough as food and transport is relatively cheap and the only accommodation im paying for is 2 night accomodation in a hotel in the capital sofia, to break up the traveling. if its not enough ill send an SOS:-p

From sofia i embark on a 4 hour coach ride into the mountain
villages. Aleviating the duration will be a showing of a dvd of unknown type and probably in the bulgarian language of cyrillic! The temperature during june/july is usually hot or very hot and the coach is reputed to have aircon that can freeze the nuts of a brass monkey, so iv been told]:-o
I am to be dropped of at Slivin, the nearest large town to the little mountain village i am staying in, to catch another bus old and rickety boneshaker (nice)that will take me up further into the more remote mountain villages to my main residence.

My accommodation is basic,no, lets say very basic! The bed is an inflatable mattress placed in one corner of a spartan bed room the kitchen has an arguer and a non working fridge. O there may be a wooden chair, probably be useful for fuel for the arguer. Anyway the idea is to renovate the house whilst enjoying the bulgarian summer and scenery.

i'll let you know how i get on
be well all

Current Location: home
Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: silence

Great start to the day! the sun was bursting through my bedroom window when i awoke at 6am. I always find i want to get up and going early when the sun floods in. First thing, made the tea (nettle)with a teaspoon of organic honey. The dog seemed sleepy at first but like me half an hour is what we need to ease ourselves into the day. We took a brisk walk through the local park to the river Severn where it was peaceful and the theraputic sound of birdsong accumpanied us along the river bank and not much else. The dog (Bentley) decided to select and eat grass. I'v observed that he's very fussy over what type of grass he eats. Of course he eats the grass to aid his digestion and to make himeself sick, as dogs do every so often. Probably due to the unnatural food they eat in our modern day society. We always add regularly raw meat to his diet as this is what he would be eating in his natural environment. The benefits are almost immeadiate. He enjoys his food rather than endures it as with dried dog food. His energy levels also rise and increases his endurance over longer walks.
Our walk lasted for an hour. By the time we arrived home both of us had a good tired feeling that you get when youv felt youv achived something worthwile.

Current Location: hampshire
Current Mood: discontent
Current Music: silence

Beautiful spring sunny morning is gracing my day. Finding it difficult to motivate myself today. Have job applications to write and send off. All that reoccurs in my mind every 2 minutes is to sit in Nero's sipping tea and writing in my journal notebook in one of those slouchy leather chairs. I have a feeling this is a take it easy day. Chill out and enjoy the sun and the day. So i'm going to accept the way i feel and not force myself to do stuff that doesn't feel right to me.

Current Location: home
Current Mood: lazy

A very dull damp gray day, the end looms! Oh no, its alright iv spotted a bit of brightness in the distance. It feels like a monday to me. Does it to you? I'm busy (ish) writing job applications. I would like to successfully secure a job of the outdoor type (mainly, i dont mind a bit of office work). There seems to be a lot of competition out there. Im reapplying for the post of Assistant Green-keeper for which i sent an application 3 weeks ago. The company was courteous enough to send me a letter saying i had been unsuccessful at that attempt. That hasn't put me off. I want this job. Its a good career move for me. It gets me out of the factory environment which i detest. The job is now being advertised again. So with some cunning wordsmith like maneuvers on the covering letter, should stand me in good sted. We will see.

The next appliaction is for the post of Temporary Summer Ranger working for the district council for 4 months over May-September, full time. I want this job much more than the one above as i intend to become a full time Ranger after finishing my college course in Environmental Conservation.

well must get on gently with my applications
until next time
my friends

finally the sun is out we've lost an hours sleep the temp is much milder and as far as i know all is well. so there, thats all i have to say. until later....

wednesday evening and my dads house were i reside 4 days a week was becoming busy. Dawn and myself decided we need our own space, so jumped into my newish car and drove off destination unknown.. relief washed over us as we felt the freedom to go almost anywhere we pleased. We did something spontanious (which today most people have almost forgotten about, including me.) We had no idea what films were on at the Odean cinima in Dudly so as we qued we plumped for Babel. Little did we know the film was to break before the trailer finished. So broke and so unable to be viewed in our premier seating!(which wasnt being used so we took advantage;-) To our pleasnt surprise we were given free tickets for another film of our choice and allowed to slip into screen 5 to see the last king of scotland.
I believe we will do more of this unfamiliar spontainiousness. Will you give it ago?

I was today asked a question i really hadnt considerd before. What makes me laugh or happy? The simple things in life make me happy; love, food, walking, being creative, being with happy people. what makes me laugh, my mistakes! and when somebody trips over infront of me or when a bus stops, opens its doors as someone(you know who you are) is running to catch the bus then as the person reaches for the bus, it quickly drives off!
What makes you laugh or happy?be well all.x

My day started with a lie in, which was nice, then managed to scrape the excess encrusted sleep from around my blurry eyes whilst unintentionally poking them, causing me to offer the world a few more expletives and scare the dog half to death.. I turned to my window to see my constant companion The Rain as it miserably tumbled down right on que for my birthday (it always knows). I offered the world, well you know.
Took a trip to the coffee shop and was treated to a birthday cake (a lemon muffin without candles,Yes they wouldnt fit on!) by my friend Lynne.
Tonight i will mentally prepare for my first day at college on the Environment and Conservation course at the Leasowes centre. What will they make of me, i wonder... What challenges and opportunities await? Watch this space.
back soon

Current Location: the now
Current Mood: discontent

It has crept up again like a black dog my 30 birthday and i'm still wondering what the hell im doing here! What is my purpose. Is it to loiter the green and pleasant land of England scraping a living from the margins of society. Or am i here to fill in for someone that is supposed to be here. Well, iv just watched a spiritual guru on a vid @ youtube. The essence of what he said in relation to my questions is that nobody knows their path in life because it is invariably unfolding in the eternal moment, it is not understandable. All that is required is to become aware of and remove your self imposed limitations and from this you will know your purpose. That is a paradox. And true for me.
Im off to find myself. Bye for now seekers.

Current Location: fuck knows, im lost!
Current Mood: cranky

Well i walk amongst many delusioned people. Which makes it more difficult to separate from my early conditioning. Because one is surrounded by delusion it tends to rub of on one like an annoying stain. I often have a worrying thought it might be me who's mad for stepping out of the deep rut known as the norm. But i prefer madness. Here i come! ;-}

so long,

sexy

Current Location: the now
Current Mood: crazy

"Find expression for a sorrow, and it will become dear to you. Find the expression for joy, and you will intensify its ecstasy" Oscar Wild. my friends this is emotional homeostasis. Who needs drugs? The answers lie within.

Current Location: the now
Current Mood: energetic

Well iv been in the grip of dispare once again a rather unwelcomed experience like the dropping of a nuclear bomb. You know its coming you can sense it then with an unimaginable force obliterates your attempt at existing. The nuclear fall out lingers for many days in ones mind but feels like years. So, anyone for Tea and Biscuits?

Current Mood: crazy

Well stephen's done it again! A real life view of a manic depressive. Dosen't sound like good viewing. However, it was informative and entertaining. What more could one ask from the BBC on a Tuesday evening?
The double episode of Lost on C4 totaled 3hrs of continuous TV watching, something unusual for me and a little hypocritical as i do tell people all TV should be ripped out because they are a vehicle for mass lies and mind control;-}. I have latched on to this Lost series due to a good plot and strong characters. Looking forward to the next series. Let me now your thoughts. bye for now

Current Location: the now
Current Mood: creative

Been using youtube alot lately it helps to pass the time and is very intersting if you are interested in spirituality like me. Cick on science and technology and enter the name of the guru or sage eg Eckhart Tolle, kristnamurti, Gangaji, these are my favourites. These are the most profound teachings, i'v found. There are others relatively unknown who are great!

Current Mood: discontent

Did anyone watch Stephen Fry's documentary on the secret life of the manic depressive? Managed to be interesting, entertaining and informative behind the screen look at the stars (princess layer)of 70's, 80's(Tony slattery) and 90's(Robbie williams)00's Rick stien and of course the much loved presenter Stephen Fry.I think this program is the first of its kind to explore the real lives of manic depressives. I'm looking forward to part two next week (bbc2). Highly recommended.

Current Mood: moody

Well there seems to be plenty of nice convenient places to spend our money but not to earn it. The job search lingers on like an OAP in a retirement home. With even less enthusiasm than usual i am to make another journey tomorrow to meet a job coach who has all the personality of a brick wall,great. We shall go through the same routine with military like precision,look through the jobs on the computer (which i already have done at home via the internet, but this waste of time does keep civil servants in well paid jobs (22k+). Then the imminant question, that i hate, comes across with all the skcepticism of a seasoned job centre worker 'what have you been doing to look for work?'. I hate that question, have i already mentioned that, well good it needs reiterating. They should just hand out the money without question as it is not enough to live on. The tight bastards. That reminds me I read in the 'Economist' that companies that employee workers on minimum wage (food and packaging manufacturers) have been lobbying government to stop any planned increases in the job seekers allowance and other benefits for the unemployed and low waged!!! because they are finding it difficult to recruit on the pittance they pay whilst being very profitable companies.
After all this ta-do i shall console myself with a cappuccino and a sit down in my favorite coffee shop.
well wish me luck.

Current Location: somewhere
Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: yes please, you choose

Sitting in coffee bar today,as i do most days,i imagined the room heavy with marijuana smoke everyone high either talking to themselves or one another. Barriers non existent, psychological freedom hugging, touching, singing, dancing as a platoon of tokers blow extra quantities of smoke just for good measure. What an experience. The imagination is a great tool for escape from present reality - a cafe half full of people segregated from each other by mind and nothing else. What would it take to bring people together, closer, marijuana no. Freedom from identification of mind. A young child is a demonstration of that freedom before rules and restriction most unnecessary from parents and elders. Free to walk into any social situation and usually accepted as peoples hearts overrule there mind (usually). Interaction occures naturally and without resistance which is unlike adult to adult interaction. Lets move towards that state of child like freedom and see what happens. Now there's a challenge. Do you accept it?

Current Location: home
Current Mood: blah

Eyes open force myself out of the comfort of my bed. Why are mornings so difficult to adjust to for many people? Takes half hour to sense some hope for the day ahead. Then much chierrier mood amergers as i walk the dog (bentley)across to the park. There is something about walking that is good for the soul.
Back home computer comes to life with as much protest as my struggle from bed. It needs a defrag. I wounder if i need one of those to. Made a few purchases online, a book from a great spiritual teacher/author/Psychotherapist Eckhart Tolle who is well know in the litritary underground movement. Practices for the power of now is his secound book after his first success The Power Of Now. Secound purchase, a bottle of organic hemp seed oil. It is known to be a complete food in itself. The buudha was reported to have fasted for months on hemp seed aloan!Especiaaly benefical to skin and brain as essentil fatty acids are abundant in this oil.
Headed into town to view the job centers latest jobs. Wont say much except it all seemed quite depressing so made a quick exit past the chavs and single moms to the refuge Nero's. Orderd the usual regular cappacino at the usual extortionate price from the lovely girl trying hard to smile as she holds back her real feelings of im sick of this job get me out of hear. I sit down to write in my note book and sip my drink in a very English way.
Until next time dear reader, stay well